I’m currently laying flat on my sun-bed under an umbrella, in a soaking wet bikini, ferociously typing this out in my phone in the Substack app (thank u technology) before I forget this whole point.
Quite CLASSICALLY in my life, this wise message was sent 20 minutes ago via Kostas, the mid-80s year old Greek dude standing next to me in his blue Speedo’s ordering a frappé at the beach cafe. I’m ordering (of course) a Freddo cappuccino.
We get talking about this special beach behind us and how it’s mainly a Greek local beach, irrelevant of it sitting between several very busy and popular beaches on Crete. He asked how I found it to which I said;
“I just saw it out the window when I drove past and so I took the turn and here we are: three days in a row.”
He said “Brava! That’s how your meant to find it, you are looking.” Then he grabbed his coffee and turned to walk away, so casually and calmly saying:
“You know, not everything is meant to be shared.”
Mic. Drop.
“R U A PROPHET!???” I wanted to scream.
He was obviously talking about the beach, but he was also talking about many other things too.
His message came ironically at the perfect time as I had written a draft piece for here the day before, but got distracted in wanting to make bolognese for dinner so I followed that desire and action (see below), finishing the writing work later.
OBVIOUSLY it was because Kostas had to drop his phat gem to link it all up.
What I wrote about yesterday was in relation to one of my favourite writers, Glennon Doyle, saying once that she writes from scars, not wounds. Aka - she doesn’t share/write about things during the wound stage, the early part of the pain or hurt. But when the scar is formed and she can talk about it from the whole, in the space since time has passed and more thoughts can be gathered.
It was one of those things that HIT me in the chest much, especially as I person of two things: 1) being online 2) being an over sharer (especially in person) when I get nervous or anxious. In a way that I feel like I have to say more to prove or explain something.
The “talking from scars” sentiment very much echoes the similar phrase I constantly say to friends which is “fuuucckkk me I can’t wait until in 5-10 years time when I can share this story” because it goes without saying, there are a lot of crazy/stress inducing/wild things happening behind the scenes of PMami. ALL THE TIME. Especially being in business for 9 years, I have some PEARLA TALES. Sometimes I share little previews, but not always.
And the thing is, I don’t share all the shitty, painful and annoying things that happen in my life whilst they’re happening for a few reasons:
I haven’t gathered completely my feelings around it. Time helps
It sometimes involves other people
In the heat of the stress its hard to identify what’s actually happening from all angles
Once you share one part people feel involved and want more
Its possible to be a public private person
It’s no one’s business but my own, until I want to, and IF I want to share
I think it’s important to make it very clear that amongst the stunning Greek beaches, daily ice creams and incredible stays that I have been sharing across my social pages , are times beforehand that have SUCKED. Having a nice holiday of great times doesn’t make me immune to the shit sandwich we are all served. I like to grab the simple pleasure horns very tightly when they are on display, specifically BECAUSE I know the feeling of being stressed and overwhelmed.
In the lead up to coming away this time I was in an absolute stress state. Waking at 3am most days, feeling nauseous in the mornings, scattered with keeping on top of my admin. The reasons behind these feelings is not something I’m going to share on the internet, because whilst we all love vulnerability and people “telling all the truth” online, these circumstances and situations are not something that is a public discussion. At least not for right now.
The few stories I am starting to share now are from years ago, because enough time has passed and the dust has settled and the learnings are learnt. (Most of them, I’m still trying).
I have a list of things I’ll never share on the internet for my own personal reasons, but also because of the impact they will have on other people both in my personal life and the strangers watching along. You won’t hear me talk about anything exercise or work-out related, I won’t talk dating or relationships, I’m careful about family or friends stories, and the business fuck ups can be shared when enough time has passed where its comfortable for me to speak it and its USEFUL for others to hear. Useful being the operative word because there is enough fucking noise on the internet already.
One time when I shared an opinion piece on my stories over COVID lockdown that threw me into the ring of online DM abuse, a past client said to me “you’re here to share the light”. And much like Kostas’s words. HIT.
It doesn’t mean I shy or hide away from the problems I face every day, week, month or decade. But it does mean that I have CONSCIOUSLY chosen what my channel of creativity and thinkings are through the use of words and images. And I am THOUGHTFUL about communicating the bits I want to, and need to share with my audience. Bits that hopefully make others feel good, and if it doesn’t, they can find the door and the unfollow button. Because we control what we absorb on the internet so if someone isn’t making you feel better over worse, you need to go.
So. Just know I have depressive and dark times just like everybody else, and my plan all along has been to speak from scars not wounds. Which means in about 5ish years time there is going to be some juicy- ass stories I tell ya what!
But until then its beaches, peaches, good documentaries, Greek pharmacy halls and snax content for days. Specifically cold Cokes and BBQ Ruffles chips!!! And as Kostas says:
Not everything is meant to be shared
With love & chaos from Crete,
PM xxx
Great read - thank you!
This was great! Read it with my Greek coffee in hand. On a freezing cold Melbourne morning mind you. Love: "It's possible to be a public private person"